Motherhood is not a journey to abandoning yourself

I grew up seeing how my grandma and my mom loved their children with the approach of self-sacrificing.

I didn’t know that when I became a mother, that can be a disempowering pattern.

I was shocked when many other mothers normalize their common struggles of motherhood as there’s no other way around to make it worthwhile but victimhood.

What I often hear: “If you’re ready to sacrifice yourself, then you’re qualified to be a mother.”

“You think you’re the only one who struggles here? Shut up and smile at your new struggles, that’s what many moms do.”

Well, these are not empowerments. These are sicknesses. When I struggled in my first year of becoming a mother with depression and suicidal thoughts, I realized one of the big problems: I was not happy - and worse I pretended like I was a happy-perfect mother.

Having learned my lesson, since then till today I choose to pay loving attention to myself as much as I do to my son.

I cultivate a healthier, blossoming relationship with myself as I reconnect deeply with my true beings, has been empowering me to be not just a mother but a truly happy mother (simply imperfect) while being able to launch my 1-1 coaching program that created an impact to my life, my family and lives of mothers I’ve supported.

Why thrive strong, free, and happy?

I chose to share this with you because it can be possible for you too— to come back to yourself, release any disempowerments, and embrace your flaws, so you can create ripple effects in motherhood and any areas of your life.

When you can thrive strong, free, and happy, you can also empower your children to be strong, free, and happy. Because you can only give what you have.

I’ve heard and seen new mothers get stuck and I’ve also heard and seen them thrive.

And I want to help you not just to thrive but thrive strong, free, and happy.

Here are the 5 easy mistakes you can stop doing and what you can start doing instead: 1. Stop making fun of your own struggle and normalize it

I want to be very clear that I don’t against the idea of having fun. We all know that we need to experience joy.

But you can find so many other ways to have fun. Because while you’re joking around your struggles, you’re also telling yourself that “I want to stay struggle because it’s fun here.”

One day, I saw a social media post of a mother who tells that she often has an instant noodle for breakfast but never fails to cook the best meals for her child. And then many other moms in her circle can relate to her story while finding it funny as she makes it sounds.

That spread victimhood showing that it’s normal for mothers to struggle and it’s such a noble act to sacrifice.

Your struggles are meant to be overcome which requires great focus and intensity.

The fact that you’re struggling already hurts deep down inside you.

This is real. It’s not funny and it’s not normal. (Unless you are carefree and enjoy feeling hurt, which I don’t think is the case.)

Start being true and recognizing the root of your struggle whether it comes from the deepest fear, or insecurity … that holds you back from changing your situation.

When you are being true to your struggles, you can share your story from a place of empowerment that is you will not only do the good for yourself but for other mothers as you spread the light of consciousness.

2. Stop being unclear on your own story, situations, and intentions

In the midst of dealing with your struggle, you may experience difficult emotions like overwhelmed, loss, confusion, frustration, anxious …, therefore, it’s very important to regain ‘Clarity’.

Clarity is like a flashlight, so you know where you’re now and then where to go next. It is the ability to see the thing clearly as the way it simply is.

Different personalities, background stories, situations, and intentions make us uniquely different.

They might have a handful of help to take care of the household and their children for them.

You might be a mom who lives on your own with a lack of a supporting system while trying to show up for your children and grow your career, you need to have different approaches, visions, and personal values that align with the unique season of your life.

That is clarity.

When I was clear about the true needs that I personally need to take constant breaks from my son, my home, and my work so I can be effective and put the best of me, then I no longer shamed myself for being unproductive, depressed and burned out.

Rather I accept my different self and bring it to alignment with everything I do.

So start making time to get to know yourself, your true needs, your purpose, and understand your situation, so you can be confident and stay focused on the choice you make for your life and your family without trying to prove anyone or be like anyone.

You can start with simple activities like journaling, reflecting, reading, painting, etc.

3. Stop being so hard on yourself

I know you want to be a committed mother and woman. You feel the need to overwork, over-prepare, and control.

I get it. I was there too.

Usually, this tendency of being hard on yourself comes from ‘Ego of Perfection’ in you, that your actions are driven by the deepest fears of not being good enough/not capable enough, fear of rejection ….

Fear and ego are in you, but they are not the ‘true’ you.

Sometimes we need some pushes to have a stronger commitment to producing the results.

But that doesn’t mean torturing ourselves- causing harm to our own health, energy, and soul.

When you’re being hard on yourself, you might get the result you want but the process to get there already sucks you dry—unpleasant and exhausting. And that is not what you want.

Truth is, life is a collective of experiences in the process we make each day.

Therefore, you’re supposed to make the processes worthwhile by how you choose to treat yourself with love and respect, especially when life gets tough, and super important when you make mistakes because that is when you need ‘love’ most. A great coach should be able to help you with this.

Start being gentle with yourself, adding joy to your process, and making room for simple love and compassion for yourself.

You may try asking yourself these two questions to keep you aware:

1. “Is the thing I’m doing/about to do come from a place of fear or empowerment?”

2. “Does the thing I’m doing/about to do bring the best of me or pain of me?”

4. Stop being unwilling to get the right support

If I didn’t become a mother, I wouldn’t understand the necessity and the beauty in receiving not random but the ‘right’ supports.

Last year, at the peak of my most challenging time, I decided to make a significant investment in a coaching program that my coach helps me not only release the disempowerments in me but discover my true self, my purpose, and my callings.

From the willingness, then practically reached out to my coach for support, has brought an impact on my life, my child, my family, and the lives of the mothers I work with. I couldn’t be more grateful!

I am a mother and this is the first time I know what getting the right support feels like.

When I helped a client understand the root of her unwillingness to ask for support, she discovered that she didn’t want to be seen as weak, vulnerable, and not trusting anyone to take care of her child as well as she does.

Those are limiting beliefs that mothers are told to suppress their true needs, shouldn’t be vulnerable, and need to sacrifice to be considered noble mothers.

Later, when she let go of those limiting beliefs, she was able to gain the courage to hire a nanny so she can have half a day to work on her business and be there for herself. She felt happier and fulfilled by making that courageous shift.

Like there is a beautiful saying:

I’m telling you this to let you know that it’s okay to feel discouraged to reach out for support and you still need to surrender to the truth that you do need help because you’re struggling.

Your time and your life are so precious. You can make more money but we can’t make more time.

So start identifying your struggles specifically, then look around your circle if there is anyone you trust who can give you the supports you need. Then be brave (do it afraid) to ask for help.

You deserve this support!

5. Stop having a victim mentality

It’s easy to fall into victimhood when you’re so caught up with endless duties that you get disconnected from your inner wisdom, your true nature.

No true lasting changes happen in a place of victimhood.

Real change and real growth happen in a place of consciousness and empowerment.

Start realizing that you’re the owner of your life. How you choose to live your life is totally in your responsibility.

Allow yourself to do all the things you really want to do rather than relying on others to give that for you.

Don’t wait until you are too exhausted to enjoy each precious moment of your life.

Live it now.

Start by changing your language because the words we use wire our minds and behaviors.

Rather than say “I’m so busy.”

Say this instead “With this limited time I have, I’m willing to make time doing what truly matters the most.”

Remember: There’s no victim, only volunteer.

That’s it!

If you are ready to make any significant changes, first you need to change what is inside.

Because your struggles are reflections of your inner issues.

Many mothers feel like their lives are getting way more difficult. That can be true!

And another truth is, that it has nothing to do with motherhood that makes your life more difficult. It is the inner issues you carry with you that get triggered, thus, motherhood is actually a beautiful invitation for you to release any of those inner issues so you can thrive strong, free, and happy.

P.S: Empower yourself, Empower your Next Generation

I’ve created a 17-page Booklet to help you rise up from disempowerment to transformation.

Download for Free Below!