Raise a happy mom for raising a happy child

“Am I in the way of raising my child happy?”

Through what we see, hear, experience in our childhood has an impact on our own wellbeing and makes us who are today. Whatever ways the parents do can impact their children’s mental health.

When we ask “How can I raise a happy child?”, we tend to focus on the child but actually, the focus is on the parents and caregivers.

When you saw your mother always be hot-tempered, you learned not to work with your emotions. When you saw your mother didn’t love herself that made her unhappy, you learned not to accept and love your own authenticity. When you saw and heard the argument, screaming, and cursing scenes, you got a panic attack and anxiety and adopted aggressiveness in you.

Children don’t listen to what you say, they are observing what you do and how you are.

I grew up in an unpleasant and unstable atmosphere where I rarely saw true happiness, true love happened.

I was talked down to and humiliated about my bad grades, being different, my sensitivity, my uniqueness.

I was told to be happy but I couldn’t model them to be happy as they were unhappy.

Throughout the first 20s years of my life, I struggled to be a truly happy human being.

Even until I became a mother, I struggled to be a happy mother for my child.

It’s 10 PM, I am rocking my baby alone in the dark to put him to sleep while he is being fussy and crying for his own needs.

I thought it was done to end another day of mothering. But it was not done.

When he cries and being fussy as the natural reactions of little children have, instead of seeing and accepting how he truly is, I react out of the madness. I’m crying with my baby in the dark.

When the baby finally sounds asleep, I get into my bed feeling like I got hit by a bus.

My soul was crushed by a voice whispered to me: “I’m so unhappy. I am a broken mom. I can’t do this mothering.” The next day, I get up with a more refreshing start, I have space to reflect because I know I never want to be unhappy and not even want my child to be unhappy.

I realized that I was the one who is in the way of raising a happy child.

It wasn’t because the baby was bad, fussy, nasty, it was me who still have unhealed wounds and inner brokenness to not able to accept my child for the way he is.

Even when he happens to be happy, poise, and authentic on his own, I was unable to see and accept that as I hold my own brokenness in me.

“I cannot give what I do not have.”

I wanted the best for my child. I wanted him to be more than me, better than me, happier than me. But I couldn’t support him and give him all of that as I didn’t have it on my own.

We can give only what we have access to. Each of us can provide only to the extent it’s available to us.

Happiness and true love were not in my ocean of abundance. I struggled to have it for my own. How could I provide for which I don’t have access?

I rolled up into a ball of defeat and exhaustion. I couldn’t ignore it. I needed to feel it.

Because I am a human too. That was when I knew clearly I needed to change and fill in my wholeness from the brokenness. So I turned the attention inward to myself rather than to my pure innocent child.

My baby is so fresh and new and I am too. I am just embarking on this grand adventure called motherhood.

He might not know the difference of my transformation but he will know that I love him.

And from this place of true love and authenticity, he will grow up to be his own truest self.

Here I am sharing with you some key action steps for you to start raising a happy mom in you: 1. Work upon yourself: Consider this as an act of self-love where you practice rebuilding a healthy relationship with yourself so you can maintain a healthy loving relationship with others- your children, your life partner …

Make sufficient time and healthy space to be with yourself to look through yourself carefully, to reflect - how you are, how you sit, how you speak, how you stand, what you do, what you don’t do.

Your children are picking up everything rapidly and they will exaggerate everything that you’re doing and impact to their mental health and wellbeing in the long run.

What kind of human being are you is an extremely important part of raising children.

Raise yourself while raising your children. It needs a happy mother to raise a happy child.

Make yourself in such a way that you would like to be and you would like your children to be.

Did you like how you were being talked down to and humiliated by your parents? If you don’t like it, then don’t do it to your children.

You need space to be with yourself.

Heal your own inner child. Reparent yourself.

You must reparent yourself.

It is the key to your spiritual and emotional expansion.

Love yourself unconditionally, accepting yourself truthfully are the doorway to reparenting the inner child in you. 2. Time to unwind: This will make all the difference. This idea can be perceived as a luxurious activity for moms because we find there are always constantly doing for the little human. But that puts so much pressure on ourselves and our children too.

It’s worth making a pause then returning back with more joy and ease.

You to disconnect then reconnect.

Find time or schedule your days to have time for yourself.

Read a book, drink your coffee in silence, get a massage, move your body with yoga … however, you enjoy time with yourself, it can be simple to just take a few minutes each day for it.

3. Work on your dreams: Once you can reserve space for yourself, now you can have space for your dreams. Do something each day that brings you closer to your dreams. What truly matters is doing things that make your heart dance on a deeper level.

It’s very crucial to the aspect of fulfillment as a human being that we need to grow through performing to make impacts besides the mother role- either start small biz from home, have a part-time job, be a freelancer, write a blog … When we get to work our dreams, and fully show up for our missions, we feel great that we can contribute which gives us confidence and fulfillment. Many moms give up their careers to raise their kids and set themselves to be perfect-sacrifice-mother then they secretly get resentful about their motherhood. This loss of their independent vision for themselves has the potential to create a void within, one they seek to fill through their children which can cause the danger of such enmeshment is that she projects onto her kids many of her own unfulfilled longings, using them to meet her own unmet dreams or expectations.

We must work on our dreams for our own self-fulfillment and set our children free from our own unmet expectations.

So if you want to raise happy children, please raise yourself happy.

Don’t worry about the children. Just raise yourself into a wonderful human being, make yourself that, it will reflect.

A child needs a healing, pleasant space to grow to their authenticity and live their own destiny so they can become joyful human beings. To be able to provide that space for your children is to first work on healing and raising yourself to be a truly happy mother.

Conscious mothering's main premise is to challenge mothers to realize that much of how we act toward our children comes from our own inner longings, desires, and old wounds, and has less to do with their children's actual behavior.

We never do well in parenting, but we can do our best.

As parents, we inevitably hit a couple of mistakes but the crucial thing lies in learning from our mistakes and apologizing.

But if your own parents didn’t do that, and they kept on doing actions that give you trauma, I’m so sorry for that. You don’t deserve it, but you can heal from what they’ve done.

Come to your own driver seat to take charge of your healing, and transformation journey to be a whole and complete human being and a happy mother for your children.

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P.S: DON’T LET ANOTHER YEAR PASS BY STAYING UNHAPPY If you want deeper support to work on yourself and align with your dreams, here’s an incredible opportunity. I’m looking for a new client whose courage is bigger than her suffering to truly love herself back so she can experience true lasting joy and fulfillment in her life and motherhood.

Is that you?

To explore this opportunity, apply for a free Clarity Session with me.

This is a chance for you to get radical clarity on your unique challenges, goals, and roadmap to transformation. It will be my honor to support you.

*It’s a limited opportunity. First comes first served. Grab yours now.