What My Grandmother’s Death Taught Me About Our Women's Lives

My own cries and screams— mostly inside my head but some out loud. 

On Monday morning May 13, 2024, my beloved grandmother passed away.  

In those early days, pain was always present, it felt like emptiness restricted my ability to think or even breathe. 

Death is an inevitable part of the human experience, and we all need to learn how to embrace this kind of pain: the death of someone we love.  

My grandmother had cared for me like a mother, her boundless love and affection touched me till today. I’m grateful for what Grandma did for her family and for me.

She hadn’t had much option being a mother to three kids in war, in poverty, and while grandpa had no longer been committed to their marriage. 

Learning about her life journey, I deeply admire her resilience, bravery, and courage to show up till her last day at the age of 86. 

While the death of my grandma can be a very painful reality to confront, it also has the empowerment to remind me of the preciousness of life through the ways she lived her life. 

Here are the 3 most profounding lessons I learned:  

1. Nobody is as capable as you are to take responsibility for your life and happiness

Your husband, children, parents, siblings, and friends are here to share experiences with you but they are not responsible for your happiness. And you’re not responsible for theirs either.

My grandma had decided to be a single mom raising three kids on her own instead of staying in an abusive marriage that had made her life miserable.

Though it must not have been what she wanted, it’s been what she’d needed to be less in pain.

That’s one of the extreme examples of how she’d taken charge of her happiness.

However, pursuing happiness is an intentional journey and profoundly personal, we all have unique circumstances and capacities.

You don’t have to meet an extreme situation to know how to advocate for your happiness.

Being responsible for your happiness can be simple: end your breastfeeding journey earlier than you’d planned (because it feels like punishment rather than nourishment), block out 3 hours per day to work on your dream project, or challenge your limiting beliefs to hire a nanny to save you from burnout and depression of being everything to everyone, etc.

Yes, it feels uncomfortable but it means you’re giving yourself a chance to enhance your life and become who you’re meant to be— empowered, and free.

With self-integrity, find out what you need, then build your ability to tolerate discomfort to pursue the happiness that you desire. Because if you don’t, nobody will do it for you.

It doesn’t mean that you have to be hyper-independent where you close yourself from receiving support.

Actually, ‘being responsible for your happiness’ means not leaving emotional dependency on anyone to make you happy; it means that you’re resourceful for solutions in which you can be happier despite external circumstances.

Of course, you’ll need support along the way but you need to take the first step— deciding not to play victim but to be the driver of your own life.

2. Motherhood is not a portal of self-sabotage

When a woman becomes a mother every aspect of her life changes.

With the constant demands of the little kid to be fed, protected, and nurtured, it’s easy for a mom to feel small and powerless like she doesn’t belong in her life anymore.

And she’s torn by conflicting emotions- she needs help but she feels ashamed of asking for help.

Grandma had been a stay-at-home mom, every day she’d had to sit from dawn till dark to make sewing-crafts to earn money so she could keep her children alive. She’d moved on with what she’d known best to not cause herself any misery.

In truth, motherhood brings out the best or worst in you depending on the level of your consciousness.

If you’re conscious of your motherhood journey, you’d approach it as a ‘self-transformation’ along with the additional commitment to support your child grow up well.

Dark, heavy, sticky stuff come up like childhood trauma, trust wounds, neglect wounds, and intergenerational patterns of over-sacrificing and over-achieving … - all appear in the form of resistance, blockage, and inner critics. And your responsibility is to keep transforming them into the supporting elements for you to take the best next step on your path.

Before having two kids, I’d been such an anxious high-achiever, had freedom of time for myself, busy-ness was the huge indicator of how successful I was.

Now after having two kids, I’m too tired even for that.

I might have become a crazy woman if I continued running my life like that.

I got to see that was not the point of life, that didn’t serve me but only my Ego.

In a weird way, motherhood pushed me to access what brings me joy, what I am here for, and what I deeply yearn to create as an expression of my human potential.

Motherhood has been one of the best things that happened to my life— I’m kind to myself, I unapologetically take rest without criticizing myself, I’m forced to challenge my limiting belief to ask for help at home and at work that made me be a happier woman, mother, wife, and teacher.

When my first-born child was 9 months old, I became an entrepreneur; started my coaching business, and am proud of myself for earning purposeful money despite the limited time and energy I had (still have) as a mother.

I’d never imagined myself building my own business that fast but with the right support from a coach and my soul-conscious choice to transform myself through motherhood, what I’d never thought possible became possible.

I’m all here for it- falling then reinventing.

Motherhood is in fact a portal of ‘limitless transformation’.

3. It’s not about how strong you are, it’s about how you are at peace with yourself

Humans are social animals, one desires growth in order to survive and be fully alive no matter who we are. That’s why we are likely to feel empty, waking but feeling like dying like something is missing when we don’t work on ourselves enough.

Women were raised to feel small—doubt our self-worth, suppress our emotions, and be pressured to appear strong (not letting anyone see us sweat), so we could feel adequate as women. Women (and mothers) are not encouraged enough to be vulnerable, therefore, they struggle to be at peace and happy with themselves no matter how strong they’re seen on the outside.

In her 50s, Grandma decided to retire, she spent most of her time in temples, praying and hanging out with her community full of grannies, I saw her being at peace with herself as she understood why she needed what she needed.

Others had an opinion on what she should have done in which to push herself harder to not retire that soon and to stay in grieve on the loss of her marriage.

But Grandma stubbornly claimed the life that she loved.

Being at peace with yourself means you’re connected to your higher self and you have the ability to find bigger meaning in any struggle and stay in your power to cause yourself happiness and fulfillment that serve You, not your Ego.

Despite the prestigious school we send our children to, perfect organic homemade food, expensive toys, and fancy outfits … provide them with our best efforts, we thought that could fill us up but it still feels empty though it feels good for a while.

Focus on cultivating peace with yourself instead of toughening up your struggle for the sake of appearing strong.

In fact, you’ll see yourself becoming more resilient (stronger) when you’re brave enough to be vulnerable with yourself and take inspired actions to heal yourself. It’s less comfortable than staying where you’re at right now, but it’s liberating.

Because you’re not meant to be strong without being at peace with yourself.

You’re meant to be free from your own inner prison and from other people’s expectations.

I hope these 3 lessons bring more hope, joy, and fulfillment to your womanhood or motherhood journey.

I certainly wished someone genuinely had shared them with me earlier.

Join me, as we navigate towards self-transformation and conscious mothering.

PS. If you want deeper support to reinvent your life and to feel motivated again, here’s an incredible opportunity.

I’m looking for new clients who want to step into their power to lead their best lives while navigating through motherhood.

Is that you?

To explore this opportunity, apply for a complimentary Clarity Session with me.

This is a chance for you to get radical clarity on your unique challenges, goals, and personalized roadmap to transformation. It will be my honor to support you.

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